I feel like my head has been crushed in a vice, inflated to twice it’s normal size and used as a football in a particularly violent game. I think my eyes have been punched in by an angry middleweight boxer then plucked from my skull and dipped in vinegar. It feels like a dirty rag has been stuffed into my mouth and down my throat. It’s like sawdust has been forced up my nose and rubbed into my punched-in, vinegar soaked eyes.
Every time I sneeze another bone shatters or dislocates. My vertebrae are all out of line, every disk feels slipped, It feels like I’ve been pushed from a moving car then beaten up, frog marched up ten flights of stairs then pushed down them. My ears are so blocked I can’t hear a thing, as if knitting needles have been slowly forced through the drum. When I try and drink some water it’s like swallowing metal filings and glass, that have somehow caught fire.
Apart from that everything is pretty good.