It's my birthday . . .

I have pen all over my face
I am wearing my mums dressing gown
I have no front teeth
I said the word 'brains' out loud, 94 times in a row
I have sweetcorn in my eye

It's my birthday, in about 177 days time

Now wash hands

So I go into the staff toilets at the end of the corridor.

I open the door and bang, it hits me right between the peepers. And I mean BANG, seriously.

The bowl, the toilet bowl yeah?

Full of bangers n mash, you know, bangers n mash.

Somebody hasn’t flushed. The toilet roll, that’s the mash, don’t make me spell it out.

The Future is NOW

The supermarket across the road employs one member of staff, a security guard. There are no checkout staff, no shelf stackers, no cleaners and no managers, just a lone security guard who stands by the door looking bored. The shelf stacking and cleaning happens at night and is outsourced to a company called _______. The tills are self service.

But the streets are still filthy, my car won’t start and blood still drips from my nose.

If the future truly is NOW, then where are the robots we were promised?

6ix Sentences

In the words of Lily Allen, 'Oh my god I can't believe it'. Wait, were those her words or Mark Ronson's? Hold on wasn't it a cover version of the Kaiser Chiefs. Whatever. anyway before I start rambling on, my short short story 'I Am a Private Detective’ appears on Six Sentences today:

I am a Private Detective

Please visit, read and (if you feel like hurling abuse) comment.

Thanks

FM

I want to deform

I want to get hair extensions for my face and eat dirt from the pavement.

Today I picked up from the street:

A bottle top
A blue plastic bag
An unidentifiable piece of fruit
7 cigarette butts
A piece of hair
A blood stained tissue
A polystyrene container for food (used)
A stone
A piece of rubber from a car tire
A dead bird
A beer can
A playing card (7 of hearts – remember this card, you will see it again in the next week)


This is all evidence
This is all in the back of my car in a bin bag.

I want a sticker on my arm or my chest that says 'please do not look at me'

It is easy to get confused.

omg wtf srsly

OMG

srsly

mi fliptop computer thingy has like totally broken n stuff - wtf - the man in the store sed it waz a gud one, then he said he'd give me money off if I did sumthin 4 him out the back . . .

so i dunno

y iz it like not wurkin???

he nvr called me eithr

n i can't write this sh1t in a innernet store - in public

i still <3 u tho

x x x x x